I’m tired…a lot. And lately, I feel really, really awful about it. I want to be energetic and happy and fun, but realistically, I’m tired even when I try to be those things and it shows-in my mood, in my pace, in my discipline style, in my level of engagement, in all the shit I strive to do better at. Should I sit here and make excuses about it? I do have some valid ones. I’m 32 weeks preggo. I have two kids. I work full-time. I commute 4 days a week. Etc. etc. etc. That may help me feel less guilty, but it doesn’t make me feel like I’m doing any better to improve myself. What the hell do I do? As my hubs says, (usually when he is annoyed that I throw out an easy potential solution to a major issue) “You can’t just fix it—not everything is that easy”. The thing is, I don’t know if I can honestly handle a problem I can’t solve. I NEED to be able to creatively resolve this or I am just going to stay in this funk of being tired and feeling inadequate as a parent, wife and human these days. So I am going to try some things:
I’m going to ask for what I need and NOT feel bad about it. Or I’m going to TRY at least. More to come on this. It’s the hardest of my three efforts and also the most important in my opinion, so I am making it my #1.
I’m going to make tired my B. I don’t let people control me, so why should I let being tired control me either? Eff you tired self, you’re not going to make me yell, feel inadequate or fall asleep at inappropriate times anymore. Ok the last one I might not be able to control as much.
I’m going to STOP thinking about the things I didn’t do today and start writing down the things I did. That's right, I’m not just going to internalize those mini accomplishments. I’m actually going to put ink on paper and make them permanently documented items I can reflect on with a slight sense of pride-even if they are as mundane as “I filled the gas tank in the car” or “I played with the kids for 20 minutes without being distracted by something else”.
So hands in, team-and by team, I mean me, myself, and I on this one because Lord knows if you want change, you’ve got to make it happen yourself.